Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
