it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
