Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize