You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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