I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
are you so shy because you have an std?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
