it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Randomize
