You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
