i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
