Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize