I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
