Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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