Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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