she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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