Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
