i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
