I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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