Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
