I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
