I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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