Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
