woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
