i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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