Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
