i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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