these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
where are you?
Hypothermia
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
