Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
