if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
