she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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