Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
