sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
