Cold hands, warm shart.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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