I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
