it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
