She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
