her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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