so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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