...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
