when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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