My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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