I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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