Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
