I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
