when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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