dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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