I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
