So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
