I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize