nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
