It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
