I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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