dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
