You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
