Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
