maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize