I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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