i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just threw up on my dentist
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
