i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
