I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
