I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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