My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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