i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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