he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
