Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
