Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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