my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
