I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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