you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
