mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
