i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
