awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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